Four Feet from Disaster

Mood: relieved

Tonight I was driving home from Bella's and I came within four feet or so from hitting a stray dog. Three things prevented it:

1. Bella gasped, a gasp being all she could manage to vocalize,


2. the fact that I was not speeding, and


3. my apparently fast reflexes.

I was beginning to wonder when my reflexes would be tested. I just wish they didn't have to be tested on a poor, innocent dog. I'll never forget how he stopped in front of the car, looked at me, and said: "Oh shit. I'm gonna die." When the car halted mere feet from him, he quickly decided that he sure as hell better get across the street.

I don't know what I would have done if I had hit him. I mean other than taking him to the nearest emergency animal hospital. But after that I would be an emotional mess.

I must say I am rather impressed with how I handled it. I didn't completely freak out and slam on the breaks (which, of course, would have resulted in my skidding into the dog). It's like my reflexes just pushed all thoughts or doubts out of my head and directed my body to do the right thing.

Or maybe it wasn't my reflexes but something more?

Regardless... THANK GOD!

A Lose-Lose Thanksgiving

Mood: disappointed

Not unlike last year, I am now confronted with the dilemma of choosing to have Thanksgiving dinner with my family or Bella. Once again, my idea of changing the time we eat dinner has been shot down. It wasn't worth arguing the point, though there can be no valid reason for not changing it to accommodate Bella. So here are my choices:

1. eat dinner with my family and be miserable without Bella


2. eat dinner with Bella and her family and possibly upset my family


3. not eat with either family

I'm certainly not going to pass my problem and force her to choose; I would never do that and neither would she. She's basically said that it would be okay if I chose to eat with my family.

I hate that I'm forced into choosing between my family and my Bella. After thinking about it long and hard, I've decided that what I am most thankful for is Bella. She has done so much for me this past year, we've been through so much.

Isn't Thanksgiving about giving thanks? How can I give thanks without Bella? I am so thankful for her.

Of course, I love my family, and I am thankful for them as well. That's why this is a dilemma. But in a lose-lose situation, I have to go with what will make me more happy. I never want to spend another Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner without her. I shouldn't have to.