Death of a Dream / Birth of a Dream

As a result of a depression-induced self-analysis, and a much-needed wake up call from my brother, Eric, I have decided to put my business on hold indefinitely. A talk with Bella last night confirmed that this was, indeed, the right thing to do. It saddens me because I feel like I failed. My dream of working for myself has died. But I realize I was foolish to hang on to it this long, with a marriage less than two years away. I need to be saving money. I need to have a steady income. I need to put myself in a position to support Bella. If giving up on my business and getting a job is what it takes to achieve that, then so be it.

A sad result of this is I most likely won't keep my web sites, including this one, active. The whole point of maintaining these web sites has been for the promotion of my business. With the business on hold, there's no point to the expense of keeping these sites going. So within the next month I will be changing my email address and taking down the sites.

However, there is a happy ending to all of this. Amidst the sadness of one dream lost, another dream has been born. That is the dream of a beautiful life with Bella. I realized that she is really the only thing in my life that makes me happy. She is the only thing in my life that makes the sun shine, turns the skies blue, greens the grass, gives the birds their songs.

We have a happy life ahead of us. My dream, a newborn dream, is alive and well.