Missing Her

Mood: melancholy

It's silly, I know. How can I miss Bella when I've only just seen her yesterday? Well, yesterday is not today. I need her today. I need her arms wrapped around me, holding me up. I need her hand to fill the space in mine, the void only she can fill. I need her eyes reassuring me that everything is going to be okay. I need her cheek pressed lightly against my lips. I need my name on her breath. I need the gleam of our future on her finger. I need to know she still loves me.

But, of course, that's silly too. I know she loves me. There is no doubt in my mind. But somehow that's not enough. In her absence, do I really forget that I am loved? How could I? And yet, it's no surprise. I was alone for so long. Every time we're apart, it's a reminder of what I was before her. And I don't like who I was before her. I was a mere shadow dissolving in the coming darkness. With her, I am the light making the shadow.

Does this make sense? Does anything at all ever make sense? Or are we just pretending to understand, nodding our heads in the ritual of false enlightenment?

I don't know.

Where in the World is Gregory the Egg-o?

Mood: perplexed

I'm a bit perplexed as to why I have not posted in... umm... months? Oh well. Here I am again.

There is so much to cover from the last few months, I just can't possibly do it right now. So shall I just start anew? Sure, why not!

I am still working at Crown Books. Sales have consistently gone down--and down--since after Christmas. I just can't believe it's a seasonal thing. (Sales are bad!) It all comes down to the fact that the owner has not done any advertising for our store. (If you ask the higher-ups, they'll tell you we need to make changes in the store and constantly put out more books. But that's not going to help if people aren't coming in the store.) It is getting very discouraging and I've lost almost all of my pride in running the store. That means it's time to move on.

I'm taking steps to get a job with the United States Postal Service, but it appears to be a slow process. I'm looking at other retail opportunities in the meantime. I came real close to getting a better position at another bargain bookstore, but Bella and I decided it was just too far for the ol' car (aka the White Whale nee Toyota Corolla circa 1993). I'm kind of regretting the decision now, with the current lack of opportunities....

Speaking of Bella... We are very near the one year mark until our wedding! Sheesh... it seems like such a long time already, and we still have a little over a year to go. But I'm glad we haven't rushed into it. We are totally just enjoying being engaged right now. Starting next month, we're going to have to buckle down and get things going again. (Reminder: we already have the church and reception building reserved.)

Well, shortly Bella will be picking me up for our usual Wednesday night dinner. (Damn, I'm broke, though!) Gotta go!