Mood: Hungry
Weight: 164
Last ate: Two Generic Fig Newtons
I am HUNGRY! I've been saving my calories for the usual Saturday night cheeseburger at Bella's. Only a couple of hours to go....
Saturday, October 04, 2003
Friday, October 03, 2003
Money is Evil
Mood: Confused
Weight: 164
Last ate: Slim-Fast Chocolate Brownie Meal Bar, Milk and Banana
I'm very confused. All of my adult life, I was setting my life up under the assumption that I would always be alone. I truly believed that would always be the case. At the time, I rather liked the idea of being alone. Or, at least I grew to like the idea. So I was in no rush to go to school beyond high school. (In fact, I never went beyond a brief consideration of college.) I felt perfectly comfortable making a small amount of money so I could pay my bills and play with all of my wonderful ideas. Being an idea person, I am always flirting with new ideas. But things are not at all as I foresaw.
I have a beautiful girlfriend. We will one day get married. Though she has set herself up for a comfortable career as a teacher, I am known to her family as the one without a career. I suspect that they think I am planning to take a free ride on her coattails. In reality, I have spent the majority of my humble income on her. Most of the time, I pay for dinner or entertainment. I like to think that I am taking care of her. I shower her with gifts. Where does her family think I get the money to do all this? Or, maybe they don't realize just how much I do for my Bella.
Knowing how I am perceived, and knowing that it bothers Bella, I now see it as necessary to focus on some semblance of a career. The quickest route to such a thing would be to jump back into retail and start working my way up again. Or, I could look for a job in my current line of work. But that would take valuable time from what is currently paying the bills. Or, I could just throw myself into my business and try to increase my income.
I know I need to do something. But at the same time, I don't want to sacrifice being happy. I am happy doing what I am doing, but can I make it work?
One thing I need to discuss with Bella is the balance of work/incomes. I have seen, time and time again, that in two-income households care of the home suffers. That is not something I am willing to sacrifice. Would there really be anything wrong with my working part-time at home and taking care of the house and yard? In my mind, one or the other of us would have to work less to balance income with care of the home. For example, if we were to both work equally, would either of us have energy left to do work around the house?
Yes, there's a lot tumbling around in my mind. I am very confused. My life feels like clay being mashed from one shape into another. I need to prepare myself for dramatic changes ahead.
Weight: 164
Last ate: Slim-Fast Chocolate Brownie Meal Bar, Milk and Banana
I'm very confused. All of my adult life, I was setting my life up under the assumption that I would always be alone. I truly believed that would always be the case. At the time, I rather liked the idea of being alone. Or, at least I grew to like the idea. So I was in no rush to go to school beyond high school. (In fact, I never went beyond a brief consideration of college.) I felt perfectly comfortable making a small amount of money so I could pay my bills and play with all of my wonderful ideas. Being an idea person, I am always flirting with new ideas. But things are not at all as I foresaw.
I have a beautiful girlfriend. We will one day get married. Though she has set herself up for a comfortable career as a teacher, I am known to her family as the one without a career. I suspect that they think I am planning to take a free ride on her coattails. In reality, I have spent the majority of my humble income on her. Most of the time, I pay for dinner or entertainment. I like to think that I am taking care of her. I shower her with gifts. Where does her family think I get the money to do all this? Or, maybe they don't realize just how much I do for my Bella.
Knowing how I am perceived, and knowing that it bothers Bella, I now see it as necessary to focus on some semblance of a career. The quickest route to such a thing would be to jump back into retail and start working my way up again. Or, I could look for a job in my current line of work. But that would take valuable time from what is currently paying the bills. Or, I could just throw myself into my business and try to increase my income.
I know I need to do something. But at the same time, I don't want to sacrifice being happy. I am happy doing what I am doing, but can I make it work?
One thing I need to discuss with Bella is the balance of work/incomes. I have seen, time and time again, that in two-income households care of the home suffers. That is not something I am willing to sacrifice. Would there really be anything wrong with my working part-time at home and taking care of the house and yard? In my mind, one or the other of us would have to work less to balance income with care of the home. For example, if we were to both work equally, would either of us have energy left to do work around the house?
Yes, there's a lot tumbling around in my mind. I am very confused. My life feels like clay being mashed from one shape into another. I need to prepare myself for dramatic changes ahead.
Thursday, October 02, 2003
Coolest Game Ever!
Mood: Content
Weight: 165
Last ate: Two Red Vines
(Yes, the two Red Vines are allowed in my diet....)
Yeah, so, I just found the coolest game ever. Play it, and remember I told you about it first!
Weight: 165
Last ate: Two Red Vines
(Yes, the two Red Vines are allowed in my diet....)
Yeah, so, I just found the coolest game ever. Play it, and remember I told you about it first!
Bad Dream
Had a bad dream that has put me in a foul mood. In the dream, my mom was throwing my stuff away. I told her that there were important things that she was throwing away, and she didn't care.
Sadly, this is based on true events. My mom threw away at least three boxes of my books, and when she saw how devastated I was, she still showed no remorse. The funny thing was this all happened as a result of my HELPING HER by cleaning up the carport for her. Furthermore, we had agreed as a family to clean up on a particular day at a particular time. My sister was the only one that helped me. (Admittedly, one of my brothers had said that he had to work at that time, so he was the only one with a legitimate excuse.)
I have shed plenty of tears over my mom's lack of respect for me. But I have forgiven her, even though she turned up her nose at it when it was offered. The wounds are still there. I just find it sad how readily she is willing to ruin our relationship. This isn't the first time, and it won't be the last. This time, I won't open myself up to being in such a position again. It is clear that we are destined to have a relationship at arm's length.
Sometimes I feel I have no father AND no mother. That saddens me to no end....
Sadly, this is based on true events. My mom threw away at least three boxes of my books, and when she saw how devastated I was, she still showed no remorse. The funny thing was this all happened as a result of my HELPING HER by cleaning up the carport for her. Furthermore, we had agreed as a family to clean up on a particular day at a particular time. My sister was the only one that helped me. (Admittedly, one of my brothers had said that he had to work at that time, so he was the only one with a legitimate excuse.)
I have shed plenty of tears over my mom's lack of respect for me. But I have forgiven her, even though she turned up her nose at it when it was offered. The wounds are still there. I just find it sad how readily she is willing to ruin our relationship. This isn't the first time, and it won't be the last. This time, I won't open myself up to being in such a position again. It is clear that we are destined to have a relationship at arm's length.
Sometimes I feel I have no father AND no mother. That saddens me to no end....
Wednesday, October 01, 2003
Yahoo Groups Email
I noticed a couple of bugs in the Yahoo Groups email. It turns the whole journal entry into a link. I think I fixed it. Also, it didn't like me trying to open links in a new browser, so I had to change that, as well.
I think I have all the kinks worked out now.
Meanwhile, I should be working!
I think I have all the kinks worked out now.
Meanwhile, I should be working!
Calorie Chart
Mood: Happy
Weight: 165
Last ate: Slim-Fast Banana Cream Shake
I made a calorie chart so I can track how many calories I am taking in at each meal or snack. I've allotted calories based on Slim-Fast's personalized recommendation of a 1,300-calorie diet. Breakfast and lunch were given 250 calories, three snacks were assigned 150 calories each, and the balance of 350 remained for dinner. It doesn't sound like much, I know. But you can have one helluva salad for 350 calories. (No sarcasm intended.) These extremes I'm taking for my diet seem to be paying off. I've already lost five pounds!
I am currently without cable, or even TV. I purchased a $13 indoor antenna at the local Rite Aid, but it only picks up KVCR. I haven't decided if it was a waste of money yet; I do enjoy public TV.
I will occasionally feature a link to something I happen to be into at a particular time. I just went on a bookmarking spree of a number of NPR's shows, including my personal favorite, Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! A lot of the shows can be streamed over the Internet, so I have some cheap (read: free) entertainment to make up for the lack of TV.
This free entertainment also keeps me occupied when I can't be with Bella. Somehow, even with her tremendously busy schedule juggling three jobs and school, we still manage to see each other frequently. But not enough. Never enough. I feel a certain vitality whenever she is around. A strength. A completeness. Like I'm only half a person without her. I miss her terribly....
Yikes, I need to get crackin'! I need to take a quick shower, go for my walk, then get some work done.
(As I am just about to close, Gran asks me if I want to eat this or that. Each time I say no. I wish she would just stop. Fortunately, I learned a long time ago how to say no to her. There was a time when I couldn't, which made being on a diet extremely difficult. Now, it just upsets me that she cares so little about my health. Or maybe it's much more innocent than I imagine. Oh well.)
Weight: 165
Last ate: Slim-Fast Banana Cream Shake
I made a calorie chart so I can track how many calories I am taking in at each meal or snack. I've allotted calories based on Slim-Fast's personalized recommendation of a 1,300-calorie diet. Breakfast and lunch were given 250 calories, three snacks were assigned 150 calories each, and the balance of 350 remained for dinner. It doesn't sound like much, I know. But you can have one helluva salad for 350 calories. (No sarcasm intended.) These extremes I'm taking for my diet seem to be paying off. I've already lost five pounds!
I am currently without cable, or even TV. I purchased a $13 indoor antenna at the local Rite Aid, but it only picks up KVCR. I haven't decided if it was a waste of money yet; I do enjoy public TV.
I will occasionally feature a link to something I happen to be into at a particular time. I just went on a bookmarking spree of a number of NPR's shows, including my personal favorite, Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! A lot of the shows can be streamed over the Internet, so I have some cheap (read: free) entertainment to make up for the lack of TV.
This free entertainment also keeps me occupied when I can't be with Bella. Somehow, even with her tremendously busy schedule juggling three jobs and school, we still manage to see each other frequently. But not enough. Never enough. I feel a certain vitality whenever she is around. A strength. A completeness. Like I'm only half a person without her. I miss her terribly....
Yikes, I need to get crackin'! I need to take a quick shower, go for my walk, then get some work done.
(As I am just about to close, Gran asks me if I want to eat this or that. Each time I say no. I wish she would just stop. Fortunately, I learned a long time ago how to say no to her. There was a time when I couldn't, which made being on a diet extremely difficult. Now, it just upsets me that she cares so little about my health. Or maybe it's much more innocent than I imagine. Oh well.)
Tuesday, September 30, 2003
Yahoo Groups
My journal entries are now being sent by Yahoo Groups. Some people (i.e. those with Hotmail addresses) weren't receiving the journal entries correctly. I am hoping this will solve that. But you have to respond to my invitation! ;)
As a joke to myself, I placed my Group in the Short People category. I'm so funny sometimes....
Okay, I really need to get busy with work. Type atcha later!
As a joke to myself, I placed my Group in the Short People category. I'm so funny sometimes....
Okay, I really need to get busy with work. Type atcha later!
Bella
Mood: Slightly Energetic
Weight: 167
Last ate: Slim-Fast Cappuccino Delight Shake
Last night Bella came over for dinner. She said my diet is inspiring her to do better on her diet. It truly is easier if both of us are on a diet. That's how I picture our relationship down the road: eating together sensibly with little effort. It will be our lifestyle. We've talked about how, one day when we are married, we will have a kitchen full of good, healthy food. No evil temptations. That's a big problem for both of us right now. We both live in houses full of sweets.
This morning I am feeling very good about this Slim-Fast diet. It's taking some getting used to, but I am feeling better already. Also, for now at least, I've coupled it with my salad diet to get some initial weight off. Once my weight is on the downward spiral, I may re-introduce "regular" meals into my plan. But for now....
I may go for a walk instead of regular exercises. I enjoy it more and think it will be more encouraging. Setting the Total Gym up, no matter how "simple" they say it is in the commercials, is still a pain. If only I had free weights....
Weight: 167
Last ate: Slim-Fast Cappuccino Delight Shake
Last night Bella came over for dinner. She said my diet is inspiring her to do better on her diet. It truly is easier if both of us are on a diet. That's how I picture our relationship down the road: eating together sensibly with little effort. It will be our lifestyle. We've talked about how, one day when we are married, we will have a kitchen full of good, healthy food. No evil temptations. That's a big problem for both of us right now. We both live in houses full of sweets.
This morning I am feeling very good about this Slim-Fast diet. It's taking some getting used to, but I am feeling better already. Also, for now at least, I've coupled it with my salad diet to get some initial weight off. Once my weight is on the downward spiral, I may re-introduce "regular" meals into my plan. But for now....
I may go for a walk instead of regular exercises. I enjoy it more and think it will be more encouraging. Setting the Total Gym up, no matter how "simple" they say it is in the commercials, is still a pain. If only I had free weights....
Monday, September 29, 2003
Oops!
Just noticed that the archive links weren't working. I fixed it, so now you can browse through past weeks of journal entries. (Hint: this section is on the right-hand side under "archives".)
Oh yeah, I got the Johnny Cash CD. It's even better than I remember....
Oh yeah, I got the Johnny Cash CD. It's even better than I remember....
No Progress Yet
Mood: Tired
Weight: 168
Last ate: Slim-Fast Chocolate Cookie Dough Meal Bar
Not much progress on my diet yet. But I'm not too concerned. I've only just started the exercise portion of my plan today. Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays I'm supposed to walk for at least 15 minutes. (I will walk for at least an hour.) Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays I'm supposed to do exercises. (I'll be using my old, trusty Total Gym 1000 for that.) I'm stocked up on shakes and meal bars. Need to get more veggies and fruits tonight when Bella comes over.
When cooler weather hits, I'm going to be using the bus less and walking more often. I may even go so far as to walk to Bella's house on occasion. (That's about 8 miles.) At some point I will get a bike. Want to start going on weekly hikes again. May have to enlist my good friend and hiking buddy Joey.
I'm still very optimistic about everything....
Weight: 168
Last ate: Slim-Fast Chocolate Cookie Dough Meal Bar
Not much progress on my diet yet. But I'm not too concerned. I've only just started the exercise portion of my plan today. Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays I'm supposed to walk for at least 15 minutes. (I will walk for at least an hour.) Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays I'm supposed to do exercises. (I'll be using my old, trusty Total Gym 1000 for that.) I'm stocked up on shakes and meal bars. Need to get more veggies and fruits tonight when Bella comes over.
When cooler weather hits, I'm going to be using the bus less and walking more often. I may even go so far as to walk to Bella's house on occasion. (That's about 8 miles.) At some point I will get a bike. Want to start going on weekly hikes again. May have to enlist my good friend and hiking buddy Joey.
I'm still very optimistic about everything....
Sunday, September 28, 2003
Off to Church!
Mood: Anxious
Weight: 168
Last ate: Banana and Slim-Fast Chocolate Shake
Off to church. Leaving early to stop by Best Buy to spend a $15 gift card that was part of a rebate. Probably get Johnny Cash's American IV: The Man Comes Around. I've already heard it and it is one of the most amazing albums ever.
We miss you, Johnny!
Weight: 168
Last ate: Banana and Slim-Fast Chocolate Shake
Off to church. Leaving early to stop by Best Buy to spend a $15 gift card that was part of a rebate. Probably get Johnny Cash's American IV: The Man Comes Around. I've already heard it and it is one of the most amazing albums ever.
We miss you, Johnny!
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