Money is Evil

Mood: Confused
Weight: 164
Last ate: Slim-Fast Chocolate Brownie Meal Bar, Milk and Banana

I'm very confused. All of my adult life, I was setting my life up under the assumption that I would always be alone. I truly believed that would always be the case. At the time, I rather liked the idea of being alone. Or, at least I grew to like the idea. So I was in no rush to go to school beyond high school. (In fact, I never went beyond a brief consideration of college.) I felt perfectly comfortable making a small amount of money so I could pay my bills and play with all of my wonderful ideas. Being an idea person, I am always flirting with new ideas. But things are not at all as I foresaw.

I have a beautiful girlfriend. We will one day get married. Though she has set herself up for a comfortable career as a teacher, I am known to her family as the one without a career. I suspect that they think I am planning to take a free ride on her coattails. In reality, I have spent the majority of my humble income on her. Most of the time, I pay for dinner or entertainment. I like to think that I am taking care of her. I shower her with gifts. Where does her family think I get the money to do all this? Or, maybe they don't realize just how much I do for my Bella.

Knowing how I am perceived, and knowing that it bothers Bella, I now see it as necessary to focus on some semblance of a career. The quickest route to such a thing would be to jump back into retail and start working my way up again. Or, I could look for a job in my current line of work. But that would take valuable time from what is currently paying the bills. Or, I could just throw myself into my business and try to increase my income.

I know I need to do something. But at the same time, I don't want to sacrifice being happy. I am happy doing what I am doing, but can I make it work?

One thing I need to discuss with Bella is the balance of work/incomes. I have seen, time and time again, that in two-income households care of the home suffers. That is not something I am willing to sacrifice. Would there really be anything wrong with my working part-time at home and taking care of the house and yard? In my mind, one or the other of us would have to work less to balance income with care of the home. For example, if we were to both work equally, would either of us have energy left to do work around the house?

Yes, there's a lot tumbling around in my mind. I am very confused. My life feels like clay being mashed from one shape into another. I need to prepare myself for dramatic changes ahead.